If you’re visiting this page because you struggle with anger, I’d like to encourage you to keep going, and I admire the courage it takes to recognise that you need to manage anger differently.
Here are some steps to experiment with when you notice anger rising,
- Tell yourself to stop, imagining a stop sign if this helps.
- Count slowly to 10, or to take a few slow deep breaths. Do this with your eyes closed if it’s safe to do so.
- While you’re doing this, think about the consequences if you were to carry on: what will happen if you do or say what you want to right now?
- Tell yourself you will sort this problem out later.
- Do what will help the most right now – and this may be to walk away.
- The adrenaline may still be surging at this point. So watch out for urges that are adrenaline driven, such as having the last word as you’re leaving the room, slamming the door on your way out, and so on.
- Feeling your lips pressed firmly together, keeping your hands at your sides and feeling the ground under your feet, may help.
- To help your body disperse the leftover adrenaline, it can help to shake your hands vigorously, go for a fast walk around the block, or give your whole body a quick vigorous shake.
- Cold water can also help to take you out of “fight or flight” mode – for example, running cold water your wrists, rubbing your face with a cold face cloth, splashing your face or having a drink of cold water.
- Later on zoom out, and be gently curious about what triggered you and how you handled it. Possibly set the intention to try something different next time.
I hope this helps. Don’t give up, I am guessing it will be so worth your while to sort this pattern out.